I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
