I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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