at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
there is glitter all over my balls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
