i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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