so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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