you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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