I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
