New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
