After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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