I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
