I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
