There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
