Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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