Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
