Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
