Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
