I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
