Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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