remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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