For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
