do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
