I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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