I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
