Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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