At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
