Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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