No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
