Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize