Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
