So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
