I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
