You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
