why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
