maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
