Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
