It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
