This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Randomize
