Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
