she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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