The maid of honor just puked.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
