Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
