being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
