hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
