My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
