Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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