No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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