Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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