arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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