weddingsv make me drug and hornr
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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