Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
