i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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