i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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