i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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