i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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