i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
