he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
