The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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