At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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