No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
