ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
