Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
