I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
