haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
