so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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