i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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