my mouth tastes like poor choices
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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