I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
