dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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