Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
