i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
