he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
